I’m Learning

I’m more mature, and I understand more (not completely, perhaps) of my Personal Legend, and what I want to achieve.

I’m past intense, crushy feeling, and am more centred in myself for happiness.

I’m finding laughter, contentedness, and wisdom in small things.

This is the 5th incarnation of the same lessons I learned 5 years ago, but this time I’m paying attention, and I’ve experienced much, much more. Every year I’m getting better and better, literally getting 3x better at what I do every single time after going through a “dip”.

I’ve learned and practiced Qigong, and felt 1 with the universe. Not even an abstract, esoteric concept, I felt like I was powerful and had a peaceful respect for everyone and everything around me.

I setup Ms Canada with my friend.

I met 3-5 new girls a week, and let go of my inhibitions.

My ex-girlfriend texted me saying she missed me. I realized that the crushy, intense feelings weren’t love like society says it was, but it was a neediness and externally created need for validation and happiness. But even beyond that, she is a lesson that I needed to let go of my old dream of finding “the one” inside of her, and to have the courage to realize there is no true “one” girl, and that I’m able to have that experience with many girls. That doesn’t make her less amazing, or less incredible. If anything, I think of her more and more everyday, she’s really an awesome girl… I haven’t met a girl I liked more than her since we’ve met. But I realize that we rely on each other, and not on ourselves, to be happy; and our neediness makes us collapse and fight and cause drama endlessly. And it’s my fault because I wasn’t prepared enough, and skilled and wise enough to be able to set the right tone of the relationship from the beginning and generate positivity inside myself, and be able to help her do the same.

It’s my fault. I take responsibility for us never being able to be together. Now that I know I don’t need her, ironically she tries to come back to me.

I’m better at making friends, at making choices, I have better upper body strength, I’m more at peace with the world and in myself.

January is a great month for me. Can’t wait for December.

Also, might have a job at a place I’ve dreamt of working at – awesome.